Anyway, the real problems are once they enter hell. The part with Frank is excellent, cementing Julia as the main antagonist, but before long, she has a stupid half-assed death scene thanks to some strong wind... WTF? We've got 24 min left in the film at this point, and this is what they do?
That breeze gonna be the death of you.
Ignoring that it's a horribly lame and ridiculous way to kill your key bad guy, it doesn't make much sense either since all of a sudden, a huge vertical slit magically appears down her back so then she can get sucked out of her skin despite moments earlier being able to move in the drafty corridor. That whole sequence comes off extremely low budget and tacky too since the whole killer breeze effect isn't very convincing especially as Julia crawls against it using her two hands on the walls (plus, you know the actress is obviously standing upright) and no one is actually horizontal due to the strong force blowing them (which might be a necessity if it's going to be so strong to rip your antagonist out of her flesh) but where will they fly to anyway? It's not like they're hanging off the edge of a cliff or there's a wall of spikes at the end of the hallway. There's nothing but some light behind them and the really long tunnel. Is she going to take a carpet ride around the maze or something? And why would the entity of this place want to get rid of Julia if she's bringing it souls like it wants? Shouldn't the hero kill her aka Kirsty? That's pretty nice of hell to help them out like that.
Wheeee, I'm flying somewhere but no one knows where or why! Wheeeeeeee, can't show this shot for too long, because it fuckin sucks, and you might realize it!
Of course, you can also complain about Dr. Channard's one-liners ("The doctor... is in!" "What was today's agenda? Ah yes, evisceration!" "Your case is closed, Tiffany! I'm afraid it's terminal!"), but they don't bother me anywhere near as much as Pinhead's fucking pathetic demise. They could've had an epic cenobite vs. cenobite showdown. Instead Pinhead uses a couple chains to hook Channard, which easily get broken, and then Channard slits Pinhead's throat after slaughtering the other cenobites who don't even fight back at all. It's such a huge fuckin disappointment. What the fuck were they thinking? If you're going to kill Pinhead and the cenobites, at least let them tear the shit out of each other first. Pinhead and the others should obviously be a lot more experienced and stronger than Channard. It's so fucking weak and embarrassing. It makes Pinhead look like a joke, and it sucks too since Bradley does such a great job with that character even in that scene.
Kirsty likes to French cenobites.
But don't worry, it gets worse. Julia comes back except twist time! It's Kirsty wearing her skin! And that is even more fuckin ridiculous. For about a million reasons. Obviously, there's no way Kirsty could just put on Julia's skin and look exactly like Julia unless Kirsty was all bloody muscle too at the exact same size and height of Julia... yeah. Then there's the fact they show a Lament Configuration thingie that transformed Channard rising up behind Tiffany and then Julia/Kirsty comes out of there. But they don't actually show her exit it! That's true, but she enters from that side of the screen where there's a fucking ledge and they show the hallway entrance beside Tiffany in the same shot so you know Julia/Kirsty didn't come out of the hallway! WTF? You mean to tell me she somehow magically got in that thing and wasn't turned into a cenobite? The only reason Julia/Kirsty enters from that side is to fake out the audience, but the way they show the hallway in the same shot and the way they set it all up makes it impossible that Julia/Kirsty didn't come out of there. Why the fuck was the Lament Configuration thingie rising up anyway? It wanted Tiffany? Then why does it magically disappear afterwards? Couldn't it reach out and get her with its monster arm thingies? Ok, let's ignore those two fuckups. Don't forget Kirsty had to run all the way back to where the skin was, dress up in it (she doesn't have a mirror either to make sure it fits perfectly), run all the way back, somehow enter from the ledge side without using the hallway, etc. But say you buy that. Then Julia/Kirsty kisses Channard for like 20 min. Ok, it's not that long, but it actually is pretty damn long to makeout with a disgusting cenobite (Tiffany has to solve the other puzzle so it lasts quite a while even if they try to make it seem shorter but it's still long), and you'd think Kirsty would have a hard time doing the whole gross tongue thing with him (they clearly show a very involved French kiss) without him realizing she ain't Julia.
Cool effect wasted in another dumbass scene.
Then you get Channard's death, which is about as shitty and stupid as Julia's and Pinhead's. Keep in mind while Channard tries to kill Tiffany, Julia/Kirsty does nothing but watch. So Channard gets two his tentacle knife things stuck in the ground. You'd think the force of the other big tentacle thing attached to his head would be enough to pull the knife things out before ripping off Channard's head, but there's also the fact you see earlier Channard has at least two tentacles that can come out of each of his palms for a total of four so he could use the other two to just sever the two stuck tentacles. But obviously, they had to kill him so they came up with the worst, most unbelievable way to do it (this movie really sucks at death scenes). Clearly, Kirsty and Tiffany are worthless so they can't do it despite the fact you need an active protagonist. It is cool the way Channard's head gets torn off, but it's just so absurd how it happens.
Black light = scary? Fail.
And I didn't mention the Leviathan aka the crappy giant thing with black light coming out of it that is supposed to be the ruler there or whatever. Yeah, that sucks. You couldn't try to create something a little bit more imaginative? I guess the cenobites help outweigh the boring, not-even-remotely-frightening-or-cool aspect of that, but still, the Leviathan sucks. So yeah, what should have been the best part of the movie turns out to be the shittiest. Why do people like this movie again? It's a helluva lot better than the other sequels I guess, but that ain't saying much.
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